writer rachel, 21, art music literature architecture fashion philosophy

my website Cherchez Beauté

wishlist
Books I want
tree of codes - jonathan safran foer
six walks in the fictional woods - umberto eco
the separate heart and other stories - simon robson
generosity - richard powers
shades of grey 2 - jasper fforde
fiction ilustrado - miguel syjuco
mr peanut - adam ross
light boxes - shane jones
a void - georges perec
the mind's eye - oliver sacks
the fall - guillermo deltoro
bel canto - ann patchett
wolf hall - hilary mantel
my name is red - orhan pamuk
the misfortune - wesley stace
time's arrow - martin amis
darkmans - nicola barker

Skin Care I Want
Anne Semonin Eye Express Radiance Ice Cube
Benefit Ultra Radiance Face Re-hydrating Mist
Clinique Repairwear Intensive Eye Cream
Murad Essential C Eye Cream SPF 15
No. 7 Protect & Perfect Intense Eye Cream
Tokyo Milk - EVERYTHING. I want everything from them, darn it.

Make Up I Want
Amazing Cosmetics Amazing Anti-Aging Face Primer
Benefit Sugarbomb
Benefit Moon Beam
Canmake Cream Cheek Blush Sweet Apricot
Coffret D'or Shine Drape Rouge (Glow)
Le Metier de Beaute Creme Fresh Tint in Poppy
Tarte Amazonian Clay Blush in Blissful
YSL Pure Black Lip Gloss

Other Stuff I want

Nail Polish Lemmings
Essie Starry Starry Night
Chanel Ciel de Nuit
Clarins 230

a-england Lady of the Lake
BB Couture Dragon's Breath
BB Couture Napa Valley Red
Bb Couture Mendocino Midnight
BB Couture Redwood Forest and loads more BB Couture polishes...

Butter LONDON Black Knight
Butter LONDON Tart With a Heart

Color Club Untamed Luxury
Color Club Otherworldly
Color Club Scent-suous Gingerbread Man
Color Club Scent-suous Santa's Cinnamon
Color Club Scent-suous Sugar Plum Yum

China Glaze OMG! Collection

Cult Nails Hypnotize Me

Deborah Lippmann Edge of Glory Holographic top coat
Deborah Lippmann Call Me Irresponsible
Deborah Lippmann Forget You

Dior Exquis

Essie Geranium
Essie Strawberry Sorbet
Essie Swept Off My Feet
Essie Mademoiselle
Essie Marshmallow
Essie Mesmerize
Essie As Gold As It Gets
Essie Pure Pearlfection

Estessimo TiNS The Neo-Vintage Dress

Etude House BL009
Etude House WH004

Finger Paints Special Effects Asylum
Finger Paints Special Effects Twisted
Finger Paints Evergreen Dream
Finger Paints Sparkle Top Coat
Finger Paints Cordur Orange
Finger Paints Holly Good Times
Finger Paints Floatin' On a Cloud

Glitter Gal Marine Blue

Golden Rose Scale Effects: 2, 5, 11

HITS Lambada Flake
HITS Valsa Flake

Illamasqua Rampage
Illamasqua Boo! and Hiss Nail Pantomime Duo

Kleancolor Metallic Orange
Kleancolor Metallic Green
Kleancolor Holo Chrome

L'Oreal Owl's Night

Ludurana Aurora Boreal Reluz
Ludurana Aurora Boreal Emocionnante

Lynnderella (Llarowe stocks in January) Cauldron Drippings
Lynnderella Happy Holo-Daze
Lynnderella Gotta Love Brains
Lynnderella Bride of Franken

OPI Time-less is more
OPI DS Extravagance
OPI Diva of Geneva
OPI Jade is the New Black
OPI Can You Tapas This
Orly Galaxy Girl
Orly Lunar Eclipse
Orly Au Champagne
Orly Royal Velvet
Orly Meet Me Under the Mistletoe
Orly Happily Ever After

Ozotic 624
Ozotic 531
Ozotic 532

pa A19
pa Q24
pa A24
pa A134

Periphera - any polishes, especially the perfume enamels as I don't have these yet. From Korea.

Picture Polish Hypnotic (Coming out in 2012)
Picture Polish Vegas

Mavala Agena

Missha HGR01

Nicole by OPI Hard-Kourt Fashionista
Nicole by OPI Kourt is Red-y For a Pedi
Nfu Oh 51
Nfu Oh 52
Nfu Oh 56

Nubar Peacock Feathers
Nubar 2010
Nubar Swiss Chocolate
Nubar Sour Candy
Nubar Gold Feather
Nubar Greener
Nubar Indigo Illusion
Nubar WIldlife
Nubar Purple Beach

Rescue Beauty Lounge Recherche
Rescue Beauty Lounge Anne

Revlon Facets of Fuschia

Sally Hansen Nail Prisms Turquoise Opal

SpaRitual Golden Gleam
SpaRitual Howl

Zoya Casey
Zoya Adina
Zoya Kimmy


cool stuff
Style.com
City of Skies
Flickr
Spinner
Fashion Nation
Scrangie
Vampy Varnish
All Lacquered Up

credits maker
picture
brushes
blogspot
blogskins

Saturday, February 09, 2008
OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO WISH YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERE

I'M SORRY DINGO!

I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE!

I SHOULD HAVE!

AND THIS IS SO LATE!

BUT NEVER MIND, MENTOS MAKES UP FOR IT, NO?

MENTOS CURES EVERYTHING! (I hope)

HAPPY BELATED, DINGO!

YOU'RE 17 ALREADY OMG!

AND YOUR OVERDUE PRESENT HAS NOT MATERIALISED YET!

YET!

OMG FORGIVE ME, I'M A VERY BAD PERSON.

Yeah. Your very lousy and bad person. :/ Grr. You're not owing me any more money. I feel bad enough about owing you a present. And a birthday wish on my blog. GRRR. I wish I could change the date on this thing.

... Hey I actually can. But no way I'm leaving it as today's date so you can see it in all its full glory when you come online after dinner. Nice meeting you and your family at Reunion :)

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You don't have to read this next bit if you hate long blog posts.

Don't bother, since this blog isn't solely for your viewing pleasure. It's for me to rant about my pathetic/miserable/joyful existence. Mostly the former two, because I normally don't blog when I'm very high, due to the fact that I would be partying away during those rare moments. Actually, this blog is meant to reflect the current state of my existence - which is a mixture of contemplativeness, perturbation, annoyance and self-pity, if you were wondering.

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I would've written you a poem

I would've written you a letter

I would've written you a song

Alas, I told myself I didn't have the time
Which is a lie
Technically I was tired because I ate too much mentos
Then again, I could've eaten one less just to prepare something.

And I can't believe others took the time and effort to do up something for you and your angel didn't I mean what the hay why do we always take the ones closest and dearest to us for granted, WHY. Thanks for calling; I love it when you call.

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I've been thinking of you. And dreaming of you. Yes, literally. I was rather surprised that it happened, but still... I do believe that dreams are a manifestation of our secret (or not so secret) wants and fears. In this case, I guess my desire to get to know you better. And that desire is not materialising in real life. And it doesn't look very promising either, judging from what little interaction we've been having so far. I'll take things in my stride, though, don't worry. I won't bother you unnecessarily. In fact, I don't think I'll bother you at all.

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Sometimes I wonder why I am here, talking about my life, talking about the people in my life and what I do to my life. I realise that many of the things I talk about aren't even pertinent to most people reading my posts. And it's not like I can lock my entries, making whatever information I reveal open to all sorts of viewers. Then again, it's like a catch 22 situation, wherein I don't mind people I blog about reading my posts, but I'm afraid of the repercussions if I blog about things that mean more to me; feelings that I hold close to my heart. I have a fear of feeling vulnerable; of being in a state of vulnerability; of letting people know who I really am and why I do certain things. I don't know why; I've been like that since I was only a little girl and I was punished for no reason. (Or so I thought, at the time). The mask is still on, especially here. Ironic that I should say that (as good as saying something like "I'm lying") but true. Depends on whether you want to believe what I'm saying now or the opposite of what I'm saying. Depends on how well you know me, which, I hope, isn't very well at all, with the exception of a few. You know who you are. Maybe I'm destined to be alone after all. My mom said I shouldn't get married because I'd be a burden to my husband. I take comfort in knowing that it wouldn't be the other way round, though, because if it were, I wouldn't marry anyone.

After this long, winding and twisted argument, there's a conclusion in sight. Maybe I should switch back to LJ. But then again, I think I'd most probably make all my entries private and that would totally defeat the purpose, no?

Why am I such an insanely private person, contrary to how I behave most of the time? Go on, be fooled. I didn't ask you to attempt to even know me, and I'm not even trying to assume a high pedestal of pretentiousness. I just hope I can reconcile this side of me with the happier, freer side. The side that makes the lamest jokes, laughs at them and makes a fool of herself to amuse the people around her. Yes, that's what she is, a beautiful fool, minus the beautiful, at any rate. Do you honestly think I like being laughed at due to my many slip-ups and comic moments? I also don't appreciate barbed remarks and sardonic comments, though they may be made in jest and have no ill-intentions.

I just want to be.

I just want to be. Liked...? Sincerely, not in the weird way I presumably endear myself to others by. I don't want to be a fool all the time. I don't want to be a pampered little girl/sister/whatnot. I have to stop acting like one. I have to stop acting. It tires me, yet I am afraid of letting down my guard. That's why I cry in the toilet when I think you're not looking. I'm sorry for being this way.

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hide your face @ 8:05 PM
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