writer rachel, 21, art music literature architecture fashion philosophy

my website Cherchez Beauté

wishlist
Books I want
tree of codes - jonathan safran foer
six walks in the fictional woods - umberto eco
the separate heart and other stories - simon robson
generosity - richard powers
shades of grey 2 - jasper fforde
fiction ilustrado - miguel syjuco
mr peanut - adam ross
light boxes - shane jones
a void - georges perec
the mind's eye - oliver sacks
the fall - guillermo deltoro
bel canto - ann patchett
wolf hall - hilary mantel
my name is red - orhan pamuk
the misfortune - wesley stace
time's arrow - martin amis
darkmans - nicola barker

Skin Care I Want
Anne Semonin Eye Express Radiance Ice Cube
Benefit Ultra Radiance Face Re-hydrating Mist
Clinique Repairwear Intensive Eye Cream
Murad Essential C Eye Cream SPF 15
No. 7 Protect & Perfect Intense Eye Cream
Tokyo Milk - EVERYTHING. I want everything from them, darn it.

Make Up I Want
Amazing Cosmetics Amazing Anti-Aging Face Primer
Benefit Sugarbomb
Benefit Moon Beam
Canmake Cream Cheek Blush Sweet Apricot
Coffret D'or Shine Drape Rouge (Glow)
Le Metier de Beaute Creme Fresh Tint in Poppy
Tarte Amazonian Clay Blush in Blissful
YSL Pure Black Lip Gloss

Other Stuff I want

Nail Polish Lemmings
Essie Starry Starry Night
Chanel Ciel de Nuit
Clarins 230

a-england Lady of the Lake
BB Couture Dragon's Breath
BB Couture Napa Valley Red
Bb Couture Mendocino Midnight
BB Couture Redwood Forest and loads more BB Couture polishes...

Butter LONDON Black Knight
Butter LONDON Tart With a Heart

Color Club Untamed Luxury
Color Club Otherworldly
Color Club Scent-suous Gingerbread Man
Color Club Scent-suous Santa's Cinnamon
Color Club Scent-suous Sugar Plum Yum

China Glaze OMG! Collection

Cult Nails Hypnotize Me

Deborah Lippmann Edge of Glory Holographic top coat
Deborah Lippmann Call Me Irresponsible
Deborah Lippmann Forget You

Dior Exquis

Essie Geranium
Essie Strawberry Sorbet
Essie Swept Off My Feet
Essie Mademoiselle
Essie Marshmallow
Essie Mesmerize
Essie As Gold As It Gets
Essie Pure Pearlfection

Estessimo TiNS The Neo-Vintage Dress

Etude House BL009
Etude House WH004

Finger Paints Special Effects Asylum
Finger Paints Special Effects Twisted
Finger Paints Evergreen Dream
Finger Paints Sparkle Top Coat
Finger Paints Cordur Orange
Finger Paints Holly Good Times
Finger Paints Floatin' On a Cloud

Glitter Gal Marine Blue

Golden Rose Scale Effects: 2, 5, 11

HITS Lambada Flake
HITS Valsa Flake

Illamasqua Rampage
Illamasqua Boo! and Hiss Nail Pantomime Duo

Kleancolor Metallic Orange
Kleancolor Metallic Green
Kleancolor Holo Chrome

L'Oreal Owl's Night

Ludurana Aurora Boreal Reluz
Ludurana Aurora Boreal Emocionnante

Lynnderella (Llarowe stocks in January) Cauldron Drippings
Lynnderella Happy Holo-Daze
Lynnderella Gotta Love Brains
Lynnderella Bride of Franken

OPI Time-less is more
OPI DS Extravagance
OPI Diva of Geneva
OPI Jade is the New Black
OPI Can You Tapas This
Orly Galaxy Girl
Orly Lunar Eclipse
Orly Au Champagne
Orly Royal Velvet
Orly Meet Me Under the Mistletoe
Orly Happily Ever After

Ozotic 624
Ozotic 531
Ozotic 532

pa A19
pa Q24
pa A24
pa A134

Periphera - any polishes, especially the perfume enamels as I don't have these yet. From Korea.

Picture Polish Hypnotic (Coming out in 2012)
Picture Polish Vegas

Mavala Agena

Missha HGR01

Nicole by OPI Hard-Kourt Fashionista
Nicole by OPI Kourt is Red-y For a Pedi
Nfu Oh 51
Nfu Oh 52
Nfu Oh 56

Nubar Peacock Feathers
Nubar 2010
Nubar Swiss Chocolate
Nubar Sour Candy
Nubar Gold Feather
Nubar Greener
Nubar Indigo Illusion
Nubar WIldlife
Nubar Purple Beach

Rescue Beauty Lounge Recherche
Rescue Beauty Lounge Anne

Revlon Facets of Fuschia

Sally Hansen Nail Prisms Turquoise Opal

SpaRitual Golden Gleam
SpaRitual Howl

Zoya Casey
Zoya Adina
Zoya Kimmy


cool stuff
Style.com
City of Skies
Flickr
Spinner
Fashion Nation
Scrangie
Vampy Varnish
All Lacquered Up

credits maker
picture
brushes
blogspot
blogskins

Sunday, September 20, 2009
nobody said it would be easy, nobody said it would be this hard

Yesterday was just about the worst day of my life. And it's gonna get worse on Tuesday, Thursday and after.

Sometimes you wonder why. Why there was hope in the first place. Why things happened the way they did, leading to the way things are now. And there are no concrete answers. Just belief. Just trust. Just knowing that you had to do that. And that's hard. Because I don't know how to explain this logically. To you. And to myself even. That's the worst part.

I could be really selfish. Ignore what my head tells me. Decide to live for the now, enjoy what I can. I can pretend to ignore what that inner voice is telling me. Go against it because I'm hurting so badly now. And I want to stop that hurt and stop your hurt too. That's the easy way. To deny everything and let things blow over. To go back to what used to be. I could. But I won't. I can't do this. Either way. The hurt would have snowballed had this happened in the future. And by then, I don't know if I'd have the courage to go through with this.

(Should have seen it coming. Tried to warn you. Tried to warn myself. Didn't believe it would be this way. I'm sorry.)

If I'd given myself advice, I would have told myself to do what I did. Sure, it's easy, you're giving advice, not taking it. I can say all this to someone else, but when it comes to this... It is so hard. So very hard. And I'm so tired. I couldn't sleep well last night. I dreamt of you. I wake up and the first thought I had in the morning is of the events of yesterday. And I cry, remembering. I don't cry for the loss. That would be selfish; that would be crying for the loss of someone to be by my side. No. I cry for the good in you, which I so desperately clutch at and hold up to Him. I cry because I don't understand why this had to happen. Why this had to start. Why this had to end.

And I ask why. I doubt. I falter. Be still. I pray. I seek eternal reassurance. That everything will work out for the best. That this did not happen without a cause. That those three weeks were worth all the pain we're going through now.

I want you, too, to believe. If you can't find anything to believe, know that I know this will work out for the best. If you can believe me, surely you can believe this. Perhaps you'd say we can't know the future; can't predict what will happen. But there is no need to. I believe in a God who knows; He has planned out everything. He knows what's going to happen. You want proof of that? There is no logical proof nor tangible evidence I can show you. But I can show you my life. That's living proof enough. He has blessed me all my life. And that's why we don't have to worry. He'll set things right and they will be for the best. We can't see it now, but it will be revealed in time to come. I must have faith.

Dearest, there is a greater Love that goes beyond all human love. It loves everything on this Earth. Every tree and flower, every bird and beast, whether they are aware of it or not. It knows every hurt, every obstacle we have faced and are about to face. It wants to heal the pain and suffering on this Earth through its love and grace. It wants to be received into the hearts of Man; that he may too revel in it, be blessed with it and share its goodness with other men. It is a force greater than anything that existed. Once received, its spirit will reside in you, dwell in you, and give you a peace that transcends all understanding. That is how I know. And this Love is God, for God is Love.

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Be strong, take heart, for this too shall pass.

hide your face @ 10:20 AM
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